Father's Day | Honoring fatherhood and paternal bonds

Updated: Nov 19, 2020

Although biologically we are classified into the wide genre of animals, throughout our evolution, we changed to another lineage, human beings. We started to live in families, but then so do many other animals, like rats, lions, elephants, etc. Oh yeah, we can talk too, but other animals do have some kind of language of their own. In my humble opinion, the biggest difference is that somehow we can make a lot of difference in our Kids’ lives till the very end. For a kid both parents are important, but as today is father’s day so let’s talk just about the dad stuff.

Becoming a parent is a unique happening in itself. The experience is out of this world, but the responsibility is huge too. For some, maybe the experience is not as cool. For some reason, Steve Jobs came up in my mind, when he got his first kid. He didn’t want to have kids so soon and his girlfriend got pregnant! The amazing thing was that he didn’t want to have kids at that moment of his life, and he never did anything about it.

The Taboo surrounding the masculinity of men is mostly related to whether they can impregnate the partner. This exactly happened in Arnold Schwarzenegger's case. He had a child with his housemaid while he was happily married.

In most of the countries of the world, sex is forbidden till marriage and soon after the marriage the main agenda on the couple’s mind is “the good news”. In most cultures, if the newlywed is not getting pregnant, the mother in law started to take her to numbers of doctors and some spiritual leaders too.  So she did get pregnant, but sometimes her husband is not the sperm donor, that’s what happened in the Jennifer Aniston Movie “the Good girl” (2000).  It was a light comedy, In which she did get pregnant by the character of a stock boy and not by her husband. In real life, the matter is not funny, the woman and sometimes the whole family bloodline is under threat of getting extinct. I wonder the royals of the past never had infertility problems!

The Ottomans had found a way around it. The sultans got to impregnates as many women as possible to get the heir for the kingdom. There were no marriages in that empire for sultans until one of the sultans decided to marry one of his slave girls.

Many years back I was watching a British TV Jeremy Kyle Show on real-life people problems, in which a black British of 19 years of age has fathered two children and the host was saying, haven’t you heard anything about contraception.

OK, I know its father’s day, and I should write something romantic and funny about it. Yeah, I have seen some dads including my spouse that they not just only provide for their kids, but respect them as they are.

Anyone can father a child, but being a dad takes a lifetime. Fathers play a role in every child’s life that cannot be filled by others. This role can have a large impact on a child and help shape him or her into the person they become. Fathers impact the emotional development of a child just like a mother did. Studies have shown that when fathers are affectionate and supportive, it greatly affects a child’s cognitive and social development. It also instills an overall sense of well-being and self-confidence. Fathers do set the bars for relationships with others. Young girls depend on their fathers for security and emotional support. She‘ll look for those qualities in men when she’s old enough and begin dating. Boys will seek approval from their fathers from a very young age.

In many countries, young dads don’t take part in the caring of children, for instance, Japan, India, etc. They think it’s the mother’s job and sometimes the mums believe too. The men, who break those stereotypes, get great bonds with their kids, especially when they grew older. In the former instance, I think the problem is masculinity vs. the will. The taboo is so strong that some men on purpose don’t help in chores fearing their testosterone level will decline. Ironically, some women are of the same view; and even they try to discourage their men to take part in domestic chores.

To be the dad of a kid or kids is the most joyous and lovely experience one has. One is not just raising a baby, but tomorrow’s generations. In today’s modern facilitated world the competition is furious. A child can cope later in his/her life, only if he/she is raised according to their needs but not to our desires.

Once while watching a movie we bought the Zoo (2011), In which the dad was played by Matt Damon, Bought a zoo so that he and especially his Kids can cope with the tragic demise of their young mum. It was a very bold decision made by the character; as he was not good at managing money nor he has a lot. He just wanted his kids to mourn their mother untimely death realistically and live a healthier life and grieve their mum’s loss rather than succumb to it.

I saw a tweet a few weeks back by Anderson Cooper a well-known presenter at CNN who became a young dad through surrogacy. He was at ninth heaven and willing to do anything to keep his baby safe and sound. No matter how kids come in our lives, they bring a lot of joy along with huge responsibility on our shoulders.

I keep on referring to the movies and another just popped up in my head, i.e.  “Joe Dirt”, in which the main character was in search of his parents, and after lots of help from media, he did find them. His parents had left him near trash and are now living in a mobile house. He ultimately forgave them whatever they did to him, but still, they were wary of him, and he couldn’t fathom their selfishness now. Somebody on the radio told him that they don’t deserve you, you can disown them, the parents who never wanted you, and now after you are appealing on radio, they came only to hurt you again. The point was simple, don’t hurt your kids, they can live in a smaller house with you; but they still need a home and support, which only parents can provide.

In the 50s the dad's image was to be strict and should discipline his kids, just like the movie” the tree of Life” (2011). Dad was played by Brad Pitt. The scolding and spanking were common if kids didn’t obey their parents. Eventually, research has shown that how spanking or even yelling is harmful to kid’s health and may hinder their personality later. Still, the practice of yelling, slapping, and other punishments are common in certain families as well in many developing countries.

Till 1990 there was enough data to support physical punishment and the negative developmental outcomes in children., and Convention Of the Rights of the child just been adopted by the General Assembly of the United Nations; however, only four countries had prohibited physical punishment in all settings. By 2000, research was proliferating, and the convention had been ratified by 191 of the world’s 196 countries, 11 of which had prohibited all physical punishment.

Today, research showing the risks associated with physical punishment is robust. The convention has been integrated into the legal and policy frameworks of many nations, and 31 countries have enacted prohibitions against the physical punishment of children. A global initiative to end all corporal punishment of children. Available: (accessed 2012 Jan. 4). [Ref list].

Respect your kids and their needs and you‘ll get a great Kid. In today’s society we don’t need just intelligent, top graders, but do need better human beings, who don’t want to control the world but to give something in return, harmony, understanding, and acceptance.  We can only achieve this by not controlling our kids or emotionally blackmailing them but on the other hand, supporting them in all aspects of lives without judging them, only then we may achieve the essence of humanity. I think this is the difference between our reproduction and the other animals’. They are still living in harmony with their environment, but we have lost that touch!  Accept your kids the way they are, not the way you want them to be

I dedicate this day to all the struggling dads who are trying to make a positive difference in their kids' lives, to father figures for certain kids whose dads are not there physically or emotionally and especially to that kid’s dad who got a daughter with special needs. He put on twitter proudly that her daughter, despite all her challenges, got a degree in photography from a renowned University. A very happy father’s day, keep believing in your children no matter what!

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